Day 10 – Still Here

I’m still here.

My headaches seem to be getting worse. Also, I’ve noticed my libido has rapidly decreased. I tried to masturbate yesterday morning and it took me so long to orgasm. Usually I’d be up for the longer the better but when you need to rush off to work…it’s not ideal. Today it was taking so long that I just quit and got ready for work. I am horny but I just can’t do it. I don’t have the energy and my body won’t let me.

I’m convinced the fluoxetine is not really working in a positive manner. I still feel low and whatnot. Maybe it’s because I’ve only just started the Active Monitoring/therapy and so I still have my issues to work through. It’s not a magic pill that will take my problems away – there’s no such thing.

My mood swings haven’t been as volatile lately but I am irritable. My nephews have been working my last nerve, and I do not have the patience with them so I’m trying to keep away. I love them but would it be hard for their parents to parent them? Why is it me that’s got to tell them to behave and clean up after the mess they make?

On a lighter and more positive note, I got a call-back from ICS about my application. Hopefully if successful I’ll get an interview which means I’m one step closer to going volunteering abroad later this year! I need this. I really want this. It’s like the one main goal I’m working towards and it’s partly what’s keeping me in check and stopping me from going completely off the rails. Maybe that’s the “cure” for depression like mine? To find a goal to work towards so you don’t feel worthless? Giving yourself a purpose so you don’t ask yourself, what’s the point?

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