Firstly, I must apologise for not posting in a while. I went to London last weekend, for a short break, and since then I’ve been rather ill; recovering from a cold that seems to linger. I was struck with it just before London but it got better as I left but then as soon as I came back I was enervated with a blocked nose and fever again. I do think there is a stronger strain of the virus going around because my father has had the same cold for 3 weeks. It’s awful.
I can’t remember how many days it’s been since I started getting treatment for depression. I’d say roughly it’s been just under a month. Do I feel better? Not at all. My mind is still as fuzzy as it was 4 weeks ago, and I really don’t think the medication is helping. I have been doing the therapy which helps at the time but after a few days I go back to how I am before treatment. Lonely, numb and confused. Low-confidence. Unable to sleep or get up. Loss of appetite. My mind is constantly abuzz about innocuous things that don’t matter. I’m always thinking of what would happen were I to commit suicide. But then I do have some positive moments where I feel cute and truly feel myself.
I needed London – it was a much welcome break from the mundane repetitive life I’ve been living the past few months. I met up with some close friends that I hadn’t seen for months. It was such a great sigh of relief. I miss it and I’d like to go back again.
I’ve started to apply to jobs again. I’m really feeling my CV but I just don’t know why it is that I’m not getting any responses. Luckily it seems that ICS is interested in me for the Team Leader position. That would be such a golden opportunity; I mean to go abroad and volunteer, making a difference in the lives of those less unfortunate. I think that is something that everyone should aim to do in some form in their life. Sometimes we, in the West, take for granted the opportunities and benefits that we are accustomed to.